The other night as my parents and I drove away from Panera after having dinner, I asked aloud, “I wonder what the word “Panera” means?”

“Good question,” my mom answered.

I Googled it when I got home.

Today when I came home from work, I went right to my computer and after checking my e-mail went to Orbitz- my travel buddy. I clicked here and there finding out how much it would cost to take a three week trip to Thailand this winter, maybe flying out of Seattle…but wait, is LA cheaper? I’ll try that too. Hey, maybe a stop in Taipei to see my YWAM friend would be cool. How much does it cost to include a few days in Taipei? Speaking of Taipei, maybe I should check out the YWAM Taipei website and see what the staff openings are. And just for kicks, I might as well spend some time looking at the pictures and reading the little bios of the current staff. Interesting…hey, he’s kind of cute…

I have to admit that I would probably be too embarrassed to let someone use Google for an extended period of time from my laptop. You know how search engines “save” the things you last searched for, and then when you type in the letter “a”, up pops a list of previous searches that started with “a”? I don’t think I’d want anyone to see some of those little lists on my computer- not because they’re crude, sexual, or immoral, but because they’re ridiculously irrelevant, random, and a perfect reflection of how prone my overly curious mind is to waste a half hour on the World (too Wide) Web.

I wish I could give C.S. Lewis a two-hour tour of the Internet and then capture his reaction on video and post it on YouTube. I think he would be speechless. Aghast. Dumbfounded. And yet on top of that, very not surprised that the human race would invent such a thing.

While I could spend a lot of time talking about the good of the internet (just to make sure you know that I’m not completely ignorant), I’m not going to do that. We all know how wonderful it is that we can pay our bills online, talk to people in other countries, and do our Christmas shopping in pajamas- not to mention all the doors that have been opened for spiritual growth (sermon podcasts, online Bible dictionaries, encouraging blogs, etc.). But all optimism aside, I’d vouch to say that C.S. Lewis would at one point say, with a frown on his face, “Yes, indeed, Nothing is strong.”

Nothing is strong.

I’m currently reading The Screwtape Letters, one of Lewis’ most well-known books. The book is composed of letters from the demon Screwtape to his nephew Wormwood. Wormwood has gained the charge of a new convert to Christianity. Screwtape serves as his “teacher”, showing him the ropes of deception, the playground on which a feeble human mind is apt to fall and bruise its knee.

So far I have been fascinated by this one-way conversation and the way it rings so true with many situations I have been in, whether it be in action or thought. In one of his letters, Screwtape is explaining to Wormwood that after awhile (if he does things right), Wormwood will no longer have to work so hard at tempting his charge with Pleasures. After awhile, Pleasures will become habits, thereby becoming less pleasant.

“You no longer need a good book, which he really likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday’s paper will do.”(1)

That, my friends, is stunningly true.

Screwtape goes on to explain,

“The Christians describe the Enemy (remember: in this book the ‘Enemy’ is God) as one ‘without with whom Nothing is strong.’ And Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiosities so feeble that the mind is only half aware of them…”(2)

We certainly live in a world in which Nothing is dominant, seductive, and seemingly innocent. But as C.S. Lewis goes on to show in the rest of Screwtape’s letter, the only thing that matters is whether or not a person’s actions are drawing him closer to or further from God. If it be as grave a sin as adultery that will lure a man away his Creator, so be it. But if a man’s unhindered intimacy with Christ and spiritual determination of that of an Old Testament warrior can gradually give way by means of spending a ten minutes here, an hour there, and a weekend here and there reading the comics, grazing Facebook, and Googling all his sudden and extraneous curiosities, how much easier Satan and his kingdom have it!

After reading Set Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy this past fall, I was tremendously challenged to make some changes in the way I spend my time. I resolved to stop watching TV/movies and reading fashion/beauty magazines so as to not give the Enemy any opportunity to fill my mind with and direct my heart towards any thinking or attitude (both from which actions are birthed) that is worldly and un-Christlike. The thing is, I was never really a movie and/or TV buff in the first place. Certainly removing TV and movies out of my daily routine was a defeat for Hell (for no longer could I become discouraged and discontent from the occasional chick flick), yet Hell has certainly learned that those who are not prone to ruin their lives and waste their time with sex, drugs, and alcohol (and the obvious others) are quite prone to yield to the allure of Nothing. After all, it’s so innocent looking. Who’s going to accuse me for sitting at the breakfast table and looking through yesterday’s classifieds? Who’s going to call me a “sinner” for spending an hour browsing the web in search of a cheap pair of shoes? And WHO is going to rebuke me for spending the morning blog-hopping, reading others’ opinions about spiritual things I need (or want.) to know about such as the Emergent church, the gender issue, and the like.

I do not intend to scold all reading of blogs, all online shopping, all newspaper reading- they are simply examples of activity that can all too easily turn into Nothing. They may not be sins in of themselves, but the Nothing they turn in to can become sin if that Nothing results in a negative effect on my relationship with God.

If I come home from work and have forty-five minutes to spare before dinner is ready, I have a choice to spend those forty-five minutes on Nothing or Something. Repeatedly spending those forty-five minutes on Nothing (though it may be gradual and difficult to recognize) will eventually have a negative effect on my relationship with God and/or triumph over the enemy.

A few minutes ago I received a text from my friend Kayla, who is a Mary Kay consultant. This morning we met at Panera and she explained to me the program and benefits of selling Mary Kay, hoping to recruit me. I told her that I would pray and think about it. Her text just told me that if I want, I can go to the Mary Kay website and “poke around” for a bit. Now, at this point I am 99.9% sure that I will not become a Mary Kay consultant. Hence, I am 99.9% sure that to go to the website and “poke around” would be the ultimate “Nothing” I could spend my time on this morning. It’s not that looking around at a Mary Kay website is bad, but my spending twenty minutes looking around would accomplish absolutely nothing, much like the time I spent on Orbitz the other night planning a trip to Asia of which I have absolutely no idea is going to happen or not. The trip would be at least six months from now, and I haven’t even spent time asking God about it. Therefore, I really have no business wasting time on Orbitz right now.

If you’ve made it this far (and if so, I applaud you for your patience), perhaps you are asking what on earth does a Mary Kay website and Orbitz have to do with my relationship with God and/or triumph over the Enemy?

Well, today is Wednesday. Since I don’t work on Wednesdays, I try to make them “writing days” and spend time on whatever current piece I’m writing (some days are more successful than others). It’s hard for me to concentrate when I’m at home, so this morning I brought my computer along with me to Panera to work after Kayla and I were finished. Many a Wednesday the Enemy has defeated me, whether it be on my bedroom floor or a table at Panera, with the strength of Nothing. Intending to write, write, write!, I end up “poking around” here and there. The result? Frustration. Discouragement that I didn’t get as much done as I wanted to. A wandering mind. A God-given gift going to waste.

Our time is not our own. We do not wake up with a “right” to the 24 hours ahead of us. Spending our time on some Nothing here and some Nothing there is an insult to an incredible gift from God. Nothing may appear innocent. Nothing may seem as the better “alternative” to sin. But Nothing is strong, “strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why…”(3)

Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise, making the most of the time, because the days are evil. So do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:15-17, NRSV)

Resolve to defeat Nothing, and let your Something be for the glory of God.

(1)Lewis, C.S. The Screwtape Letters. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1942. Pg. 59

(2)Ibid., pg. 60

(3)Ibid., pg. 60

The sun had set and the dark of evening had made its way into the sky. I was sitting by the window on a three-hour bus ride from Chiang Rai to Chiang Mai, on my way home from a weekend visit to see some friends I had met in a couple years earlier during my first trip to Thailand. I was by myself, but my wandering thoughts were keeping my company, as they often do. (I’ve come to discover that there are very few situations I find myself in which I am not creating some kind of analogy I could write about later on. I think it’s just the way my mind is always going to work.)

Suddenly, I realized that I had no clue who was sitting in the driver’s seat. The only thing I knew was that it was (from what I could tell) a male Thai. It also struck me that by my having paid the bus fare, putting my luggage in the compartment below, and getting on the bus, I was trusting that within the next three or so hours he would be successful in getting me to my desired destination. That in itself indirectly implied that I was also trusting that he 1) knew the way back to Chiang Mai, 2) would not fall asleep at the wheel, 3) knew how to direct the bus well enough to avoid a serious accident or breakdown, 4) had the well-meaning and sincere intention to get us where we desired to go (as opposed to a spontaneous decision to take a detour to Bangkok, or for that matter, off the side of a cliff), 5) was not under the influence of alcohol or drugs, and 6) would be able to quickly recognize if he had accidentally made a wrong turn somewhere. Basically, I was putting a lot of trust in this guy- he had the potential to end my life!

The thought led me to my almost daily rides in the songtows (Thai taxis). There were many instances in which, if I wasn’t close enough to walk home, I needed to catch a songtow home. In some cases I acted as the well-prepared farang (foreigner) and whipped out a little piece of paper that had my desired destination written down in Thai (thanks to my trusty roommate Wor). However, other times came when I didn’t have these pieces of paper on hand. In those cases, I swallowed my pride and tried to tell the driver where I wanted to go with a mix of English and Thai. After we agreed on a fare, I hopped on the back of the truck hoped that the driver had understood me correctly. Why was it that I trusted these men, these complete strangers with my money, time, and life? Because they were driving red trucks with open backs, and men who drive red trucks with open backs are songtow drivers. And songtow drivers get you where you want to go. Right?

The bus sped on in the dark, and as I contemplated the irony, I was forced to ask more questions. Why is it that my restless heart sometimes has such a hard time trusting God to be the Bus Driver in my life- the God that created me, knows my name, understands the language I speak, is familiar with my strengths, weaknesses, gifts, dreams, and passions, and loves me as His own child. I know those characteristics may sound all too cliché, but that doesn’t keep them from being true.

Imagine if sometime during the way home to Chiang Mai I had walked up to the Bus Driver and demand that he stop the bus. And then what if I had told him that I just wasn’t really recognizing the scenery, and that he must have made a wrong turn somewhere. And then what if I went even further and dragged him out of his seat and announced to the rest of the people on the bus that I was going to be taking over, and that they could all give me many thanks for being able to get them safely back to Chiang Mai in just a few minutes. Yes, it would be completely absurd and ridiculous of me. I had never even taken the trip from Chiang Rai to Chiang Mai before (let alone driven a huge bus!)- who was I to know what the scenery was supposed to look like? Why on earth would a 21 year-old little foreign girl who had only lived in Thailand for four months presume that she could more efficiently and safely get a busload of Thai people to Chiang Mai than a Thai bus driver who spoke Thai, read Thai, and had taken the trip a zillion times before?

And isn’t this how we so often treat God- as though He were an incapable bus driver who must not know the way He is going? Who do we think we are!?

Isaiah 55:8-9 says,

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

The reason God’s thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways is because, well…because He is God and we are not. He is infinite, all-knowing, and all-powerful. We…are certainly not. We are finite, limited, and so very quick to misunderstand. Paul had it right when he wrote in Romans 11:33-36:

^“O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counselor? Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again? For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.”

“Who hath known the mind of the Lord?” No one. Ever. In the midst of our life circumstances that seem to not add up, I ought to be so very comforted by the fact that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. My understanding is not His understanding- He sees the bigger picture that I do not see. My trying to tell a Thai bus driver that he’s going the wrong way and he needs to let me take over is like my telling God that He needs to step back and let me run the show. And what a disaster that would be!

There are areas in my life right now in which my finite and human mind wishes I could get a glimpse of the knowledge of God, if somehow I could know what chapter of my life I was on, what’s going to happen in the next chapter, how long this current chapter is going to last, when the climax is going to be, and of course, what’s going to happen in the ending. Almost all of my friends have significant other, a diamond on ring finger, or a wedding album. If I’m in chapter five of my life, are those things in chapter six or chapter twenty-two? And what about overseas missions? I get emotional just when I see an airplane! Is a chapter coming up with “Thailand” anywhere in its title? These are things I do not know. Praise God that I do not know! Praise God that I serve a Master who is way above my level of thinking. I certainly wouldn’t feel very secure with my life in the hands of a God whose mind was as limited and finite as my own.

How wonderful that a bus driver was available to drive me back to Chiang Mai and I didn’t have to make the trek on a bicycle, toiling for energy and attempting to understand each road sign. And how wonderful that I could sit at ease in my seat the entire time, assured that the bus driver was getting me where I needed to go. (How tiring it would be to have to run up to the front of the bus every ten minutes and question him!)

Why do I fret? Why do I question? Why do I fear?

He knows the way.

And I do not.

And how must I work out this marvelous truth day in and day out?

Abide.

Wait.

Stop questioning.

Rest in expectation.

Be still, and know that He is God…and I am not.

Two down, one to go!

Last night was Ashley’s wedding (a friend from Lake Center…went to school together from 1st to 8th grade!). It was a beautiful June day and we had great weather to go and take some pictures at the park. Here’s the awards:

Best first dance, Best view from the reception, and Best reception footwear. Best first dance because Ashley and Nate took dance lessons and danced an incredible, classy, and fairytale-esque first dance. Best view from the reception because we were in downtown Canton and on the 13th floor of a large building from which we could overlook the city, complete with a deck outside. There was even a rainbow in the beautiful night sky! Best reception footwear because Ashley gave all of us bridesmaids really comfy monogrammed slippers that we happily put on as soon as the ceremony ended

…unless you want to risk feeling like a wimp.

As soon as I finished Why We’re Not Emergent: by Two Guys Who Should Be (see the post below entitled: “something is emerging…and it’s not the truth”), I began reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand. Like Why We’re Not Emergent, I was able to get Tortured for Christ absolutely free (free books are rad!) from the Voice of the Martyrs website. If you think you want to read it (which, by the end of this post you either WILL or WON’T) just go to www dot persecution dot com where you can request a free copy as well as one for a friend.

Having just read Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, I didn’t expect to be much taken aback reading Wurmbrand’s story. I thought I had already heard most of the worst stories of inhumane treatment to Christians who were willing to suffer great pain for their faith in Christ.

I was wrong.

You have not read about Christians being persecuted for their faith until you have read about the torture of Christians in Communist Russia.

Tortured for Christ is the story of Richard Wurmbrand, a man from Romania who endured fourteen years of harsh imprisonment and torture all for standing true to his Lord. Wurmbrand was a former devoted atheist, but through God’s abundant grace came to know Jesus as his savior along with his wife Sabina.

In 1944, Russian troops entered the country and soon Romania was under Communist rule. Thiswas not good news for Christianity- under Communist rule, it was controlled by men who wished to see it completely destroyed. One day four thousand priests, pastors, ministers from all denominations were called by the Communist leaders to meet at the Parliament building. The goal was to force them into standing up and voicing their praise for Communism (dare they speak against it?!) along with assuring the leaders that the Church would cooperate and support Communism in every way it could. Out of those four thousand Christians, one after another stood up and denied his Loving Father by declaring support for Communism and even saying that it was pretty much the same as Christianity anyways.

Richard and Sabina sat in their seats, knowing they were surrounded by a mass of unfaithfulness and deception. Sabina couldn’t take it anymore. She turned to her husband, whom she dearly loved, and said, “Richard, stand up and wash away this shame from the face of Christ! They are spitting in His face.” He gently informed her, “If I do so, you lose your husband.” Her response? “I don’t wish to have a coward as a husband.”[1] (Lord, let me be a wife like Sabina!)

Sabina was well aware what it meant that she was “lose her husband” if he were to stand up and unashamedly pronounce his loyalty to Christ, and I don’t doubt at all that she knew it would mean trouble for herself as well. She loved the Lord more than her husband, and more than her own life, and she was willing to give them up to assure that glory and honor was brought to the name of her Savior, who was more precious to her than anything. (And Lord, let me be a woman like Sabina!)

Sabina’s words were just what Richard needed to fill him with the courage to get up and wipe off the spit- and he did.

After this, Wurmbrand became very involved in the Underground Church, and because of how heavily it was perseucted by the Communist rule, it eventually led to his arrest and imprisonment. His first imprisonment was eight years long and during that time no one, not even Sabina, knew whether he was dead or alive. In fact, Sabina was told that Richard had died. During this time, thousands of Christians were being sent to prison because of their faith. As Richard said, to be in prison in a Communist country means to be put through unthinkable tortures. Here are just a few of the ways people were torutered in Communist prisons…

If you are not squeamish, go ahead and read on.

If you are squeamish, go ahead and read on.

I say that because I believe that we must allow ourselves to be informed of what people are going through for their faith. If we close our ears to the suffering of our brothers and sisters, we are ignorant, selfish, and disloyal. Just because we don’t see what is happening doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening.

Some Christians were hung upside-down on ropes and beaten so harshly that their limp bodies swung back and fourth. Others were placed in ice boxes. Prison doctors would watch and wait until they observed symptoms of freezing to death. At that point the prisoner would be removed and taken somewhere to be made warm. As soon as they got warm, they were put back into the ice box. Over and over and over.

Some Christians were made to stand in boxes that were just a bit bigger than their bodies. Dozens of nails were then driven through the four walls of the box. If one was able to stand still, the pain was bearable, but as soon as his weary body made a move, the nails drove into his skin.

Some were tied to crosses and left to lie on the floor while the other prisoners were forced to stand over them and let nature take its course.

Throughout the span of Richard’s fourteen years in prison, guards broke four vertebrae in his back, carved him in a dozen places, and cut eighteen holes in his feeble body.

Many times Richard was at the point where most prisoners’ bodies give up and take them on to heaven. He endured- perhaps to own disadvantage and yet the advantage of the Body of Christ whose hearts would be greatly inspired and strengthened by his life. It is like what Paul wrote to the Philippians:

“For to me, living is Christ, and dying is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which I prefer. I am hard pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better; but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you.” (Philippians 1:21-24)

Because of the great suffering Paul had gone through and continued to go through, leaving earth for his heavenly home would have brought him a great deal of welcomed relief. Yet, it was not God’s will to take him home at that time. He was still needed on earth to further God’s kingdom and glorify His name. In the same way, Richard was still needed on earth to bring light to those in the darkness and rightly inform the West of what was being done to their brothers and sisters in captive nations across the world. The West needed a wake up call and God mightily used Richard as a part of that.

Richard talks about the devotion and genuineness of Christians of the Underground Church. In America, our religious freedom makes us prone to lukewarm and complacent lives that have one foot in heaven and one foot in the world, simply because it’s not something we have to decided whether or not we’re going to risk our lives for on a daily basis. It is not so in nations where Christianity is a dangerous crime. There you will find believers so abandoned to the glory of God, so passionate for the spreading of His love, that they are willing to risk their lives over and over to usher people into God’s kingdom.

Richard and several other prisoners often made a deal with their guards- if the guards allowed them to preach the Word of God, the guards could beat them afterwards. Listen to what Richard says about this!

“The following scene happened more time than I can remember. A brother was preaching to the other prisoners when the guards suddenly burst in, surprising him halfway through a phrase. They hauled him down the corridor to their ‘beating room.’ After what seemed like an endless beating, they brought him back and threw him- bloody and bruised- on the prison floor. Slowly, he picked up his battered body, painfully straightened his clothing and said, ‘Now, bretheren, where did I leave off when I was interrupted?’ He continued his gospel message! I have seen beautiful things!”[2]

Does this not make you feel cowardly? We need to grow backbones here in America! It would do us so much good to be thrown into a Communist prison for just 24 hours- there our faith would be tested and we would soon discover if it is as brittle as straw or tough as nails and refined as gold.

Reading Tortured for Christ has given me a desire to know what my faith is made of- what am I willing to go through to give glory to the name of Christ? Would I run from the danger of persecution? Would I go back to preaching the gospel after serving a horrendous five-year prison term? How determined am I to see the lost enter into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ? How desperate am I to show them the way to freedom? Do I care at all? Are North Korea, China, Cuba, Laos, and Vietnam real places to me?

Do I love Jesus?

Do I love my brothers and sisters who are suffering for his name?

If not…why?

These are questions that I must honestly answer.

There is a fear in me that if I attempt to write what is on my heart I will end up sounding like a lame attempt to copy this or that book. Many of my convictions and passions are not, I might say, original. For example, one of the things I am passionate about right now is the dangers of the Emergent Church. If it had not been for outside information in books and articles, I would not have become aware of the whole issue. I learned of it. One in particular author I learned from is quite passionate about it. I caught a spark, and it lit a fire inside of me. Another example- I am passionate about the differences between male and female. I love the thought of women living out femininity to its fullest and men living out masculinity in all the ways they were meant to. This passion was not birthed in me out of the blue. It was learned through books and Bible study and discussion and thought.

As a result, the things my heart burn for are things that are already written down in very well-written books. Why write what’s on my heart? Ninety percent of my heart is already bound and sitting on the shelf at Border’s for about $13.99.

Nevertheless, I am supposed to write. If I continue to let laziness defeat me, I will end up losing all ability and desire. I need not fear that someone has already said it and has said it better. I need not fear that the words will not come- by God’s grace they will. I need not fear that I will never finish…I must!

I need not ignore the ninety percent that is already written down and assume that all there is to be said of it is said. After all, people write about the same idea and truth in different ways, and some people understand it better when it’s written in a different light. Imagine if the bookstore had only one book on relationships! Imagine if there was only one book available on prayer! Imagine if Leonard Ravenhill or E.M. Bounds decided not to write on prayer because they were afraid of sounding like this or that other publication! There is a need for writers who are willing to continue to write, to pour out the fire inside of them and continually put it into words.

Nevertheless…

We must be quick to understand that, however poignant and thrilling a book may be, and however passionately a writer may be able to turn his thoughts into words, books can never take the place of God’s Word. If I am more excited to read my new A.W. Tozer book than I am to dive into the book of John (or, yes, even Ezekiel!), I ought to ask myself if I am depending too much on the words of man. We have the inspired words of God- do we not trust him to reveal himself to us, to give us clear and understanding minds in even the most arduous and seemingly irrelevant of books such as Leviticus and Joel? The words of Tozer, Ravenhill, Bounds, Chambers, Carmichael, and Lewis are no more powerful than every jot and tittle of the Bible (yes, Old Testament included!).

We ought to go a year reading only the Bible and witness its POWER- to convict, challenge, change, refresh, delight, satisfy, encourage, comfort, rebuke, reveal, admonish, teach, soften, mold, and conform. That is a challenge to me. Why? Because I have a list of books I want to read in the year 2009. Will they help me to grow closer to God and mature in my relationship with him? Probably. But even so, they are not in themselves the authoritative, living, active, and inspired words of God. Why do we search so hard among the bookshelves for the answers to the “issues of life” when the Word of God is so sufficient and available? Persecuted Christians are suffering greatly in countries where the only “bread” available to them is the inspired Word of the Bread of Life- the Bible. They have no way to get their hands on Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest so they can have a daily devotion in their cell. Ravenhill’s Why Revival Tarries is not available to encourage them to persevere in prayer. And yet through their suffering, they are thriving, growing, and being strengthened day by day. And still, there are Christians being locked away in cells, locked away into lives of torture, filth, and unimaginable pain, who do not even have the privilege of holding a few torn pages of the Psalms. And yet they sing for joy and recite the Scriptures they have memorized over and over and over and over.

If all of our “Christian books” are so called “spiritual bread”, I think it’s high time we Christians of the spoiled West went on an extreme Atkins diet and fed on the rich meat of the Word of God. Maybe then we would shed some of our spiritual fat- the complacent and lethargic laziness that keeps us handing dollar bills over to the Barista in order to claim a tallnonfatdecafextrahot latte. Because lattes, we’ve discovered, go wonderful with big leather chairs and a new loaf of “bread”.

We need to eat Meat- the Word of God that satisfies the soul.

I was able to cross off another book from my “Book Goals for 2009″ list today- Why We’re Not Emergent by Two Guys Who Should Be by Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck. I happened to spot this book on the shelf at Borders several months ago and read some of the first chapter while I was there. I loved what I read, but didn’t buy it. Later on I went to the website, clicked on a link that said “Win this book!”, filled out some info, and BAM I was a winner. It showed up in my mailbox a few weeks later and patiently sat on my bookshelf until I finished Foxe’s Book of Martyrs.

Why We’re Not Emergent was, in my humble opinion (seeing that I have very little experience in writing book reviews), extremely well-written. As a whole, the book explains the dangers of the emergent church movement and argues against many of its beliefs, methods, and principles. Although the emergent church movement claims not to have any “leaders”, DeYoung and Kluck pinpoint several of its leading voices and humbly and lovingly point out where those voices have erred. Just to name a few: Brian McLaren, Rob Bell, Doug Pagitt, Donald Miller, and Dave Tomlinson.

While it would be easy to write this kind of book using a complete tone of sarcasm and arrogance, DeYoung and Kluck take on a tone that is firm, yet loving. Of course they leave room for the occasional joke on all things emergent (which is quickly becoming a stereotype all of its own), but they do not do it in a way that makes them come off as two arrogant big-heads who want to make everyone else look stupid just so they can make a point. It is clear that they wrote the book with pure motives intact.

Perhaps you’ve come to this point in the blog and you are now asking, “What is the emergent church?”

Here’s my best advice: read the book.

You should also read the book if you love Nooma videos, Velvet Elvis, or Blue Like Jazz.

I understand that Hartville is no Portland. But here’s the deal: the emergent church movement is dangerous to the Church as a whole, and it will find its way into the minds and beliefs of people all over the country, in even the smallest of churches through books, seminars, blogs, videos, and the like. And unless its errors are directly pointed out, young people who are not firmly rooted in the Word of God and what it says will be easily whisked away into a world in which lattes and fingerpaint are more welcome than the doctrine of original sin.

Because we live in a day of doctrinal apathy and theological laziness, many people will respond with, “Well, I don’t really care about the emergent church. I don’t understand it or wish to spend time trying to understand it.” But don’t Christians have a responsibility to know what they believe and why they believe it? Don’t they have a responsibility to be on the lookout for teachings that do not line up with God’s word? The reason Jesus warned us to look out for wolves in sheep’s clothing rather than to look out for wolves, is because, whether they intend to lie or not, the wolves will not appear as wolves. Much of the “doctrine” of the emergent church is so smooth and appealing to our postmodern generation that ir hardly appears as dangerous. Of course, the first solution to being on guard against the emergent church, or any false teachings, is to be so familiar with the Word of God that anything that does not measure up with it is readily recognized. The second solution? Making ourselves aware. I was not aware of this so called “emergent church” and its wrong thinking until I was informed. I read Velvet Elvis and Blue Like Jazz four years ago and loved them. Unfortunately I did not know Scripture well enough at that point to be able to spot their errors. Thank God that He showed me grace by bringing me into the light!

I understand that other threats to the Church exist (such as the the “health, wealth, and prosperity gospel”), but the emergent church movement is so quickly on the move that speaking the truth against it and helping others (especially youth) to be aware of its errors ought to be a top priority in the Church.

How foolish we would be to go astray because of mere laziness!

The awards for Heidi’s wedding are: Best vows, Best church exit, and Best Colors. Best vows because they included reading scripture to each other. Best church exit because they left on Harold’s Harley Davidson (see below). Best colors because the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses with the flowers was absolutely gorgeous! And if you don’t know why I’m giving these awards, read the post below. Come back next weekend to find out the awards for Weddding #2.

I’m really full.

Tonight was Rehearsal Dinner #1. We had a wonderful dinner of ribs, pulled pork, baked beans, potato salad, fruit, rolls, and scrumptious brownie sundaes to top it all off. Hopefully my dress will zip up by 5pm tomorrow evening. My dress (which I absolutely love- amazing color choice Heidi!) is hanging on the closet door, and my laundry basket is packed with every possible thing I could need tomorrow. Toothpaste? Check. Tweezers? Check. Nail polish remover? Check. Duck tape? Check. Curling iron, shoes, clutch, camera, lotion, makeup, pashmina scarf, slippers, flip flops, jewelry, deoderant, contact solution, gum, mints, phone charger? Check to all of the above. I am a prepared bridesmaid. And if I forget something and realize it tomorrow at the church, well, I’ll get a do-over next Saturday at Wedding #2.

Although I may have made a few sarcastic comments and jokes in the past few months about being in three weddings this summer, I must say that I LOVE weddings, especially being a bridesmaid. Every wedding I have been in up to this point has been totally different in some way, and I think I’d give them all their own unique award:

1. Abby’s wedding (my sister): Most Daunting, Best Ceremony, and Most Special. Daunting because I had to walk around in very high heels, down the aisle, up and down the stairs, and all the way over to the piano to serve communion. Also Most Daunting because of the Maid of Honor speech. Let’s just say I’ve made better speeches in my life. Best Ceremony because of the worship songs and communion time. Most special because…well…she’s my sister.

2. Tricia’s wedding (YWAM roommate): Most beautiful Reception, Best Bouquet, and Best Reunion: Most beautiful reception because of the surrounding water and the outside set up. Best Bouquet because of how different the colors were and how beautifully they went together. Best Reunion because I was able to spend the weekend with Tricia and catch up with Kate (another bridesmaid who was in our YWAM DTS).

3. Tiff’s wedding: Most Laid Back, Most Awkward, Most Comfortable Bridesmaid Attire: Most laid back because it was a small backyard wedding. Most awkward because I knew no one and wasn’t extremely close with the bride. Most comfortable Bridesmaid Attire because I was wearing a nice top, a skirt I bought that morning from Goodwill, and flip flops.

4. Saa’s Wedding: Best Cultural Experience, Funniest Reception, and Greatest Thailand Memory: Best Cultural Experience because, well, I can’t even explain. You just have to go to a Thai wedding. Funniest reception because the whole village seemed to be there, the was an outside band, entirely “Thai”, and perhaps the funniest being when they drew names and one of the very few Westerners that was there won the prize: can you just picture a fat white man going up to receive his brand new blender in the midst of lots of small and beautiful Asians? If that’s not funny to you, then maybe you should have been there. Greatest Thailand Memory (with Songkran Festival running a close second) because I absolutely loved everything about it. I was laughing to myself the entire time and having the time of my life!

5. Jillians Wedding: Best Answer to Prayer, Best Bridesmaid Dress, Most Beautiful Ceremony Scenery, and Most Ironic and Yet Encouraging: Best answer to prayer because I had planned on still being in Thailand at the time she was married. I wasn’t planning on going but God ended up bringing me home sooner than I thought and I was thrilled to be able to be a part of it because we’ve been best friends since 6th grade! Best Bridesmaid Dress because it was black and very different. Most Beautiful Ceremony Scenery because it was in front of a big lake on a beautiful July evening as the sun was going down. Most Ironic and Yet Encouraging because I caught the bouquet just a month after going through a hard break-up. It gave me a good dose of hope that one day I’d be the one throwing the bouquet.

6. Heidi’s Wedding: I’ll get back to you on that after tomorrow.

Yes, weddings are fun.

By the end of the summer I will have been in eight weddings. The phrase “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride” comes to mind. But you know what? I’m not going to succumb to that “glass half empty” tone. Although, I have to admit, as I was standing in the line of bridesmaids in front of the church tonight as we walked through the ceremony, I took a bite.

I took a bite of what Eric Ludy refers to as the big juicy steak of discouragement. I allowed myself to get a bit discouraged at the fact that I was not the bride, that there is not a certain someone who is absoultely ecstatic to spend the rest of his life with me. Don’t get me wrong. I do realize that I’m only 22 years old and still considered “young”. And as a matter of fact lately I have actually been, in a sense, excited about being single. It’s me and God time. Once I get married, I am never going to get it back. Of course I will still have an intimate and individual relationship with God once I get married, but once you’re married, everything changes. If you don’t believe me read 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. In no way do I mean that marriage will pull you away from God. (I’m not marrying anyone unless he pulls me closer to God!) But there is still something about marriage that changes one’s freedom, opportunities, and open doors. I have absolutely no idea what God has up his sleeve for my life, but I do know that it is a dear privelege and gift that I am able to be single right now and grow closer to him. Singleness…a gift? Yes. I must choose to see it in that light.

Nevertheless, as I said, I bit into the big juicy steak of discouragement tonight. Weddings will often to that to single girls. And for a few moments it felt great to feel sorry for myself and make myself out to be the victim of some kind of scheme to make my lonely and miserable (two things I am not). But then it got lame. And so I pushed the steak aside and decided to cotinue to trust that as I let God write my love story, there will come a night (if it be his will), when I am at my own wedding rehearsal, completely amazed and in awe of what God has done in my life, looking back on this night and wondering why I ever doubted for one second that God wasn’t giving me something I needed when I needed it.

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; he bestows favor and honor. NO GOOD THING does the LORD withhold from those who walk uprightly. O, LORD of Hosts, HAPPY is everyone who trusts in you!”

-Psalm 84:11,12 (NRSV)

If that is so, (which it is…because it’s God’s word) then I am lacking nothing. Marriage is not a “good thing” for me right now. It is not something I need that I don’t have.

I need to get some sleep.

Let the fun begin!

Some days it suddenly just hits me. I think a few weeks ago it happened when I was putting price stickers on an order of fan pulls. Did you know that you can buy a fan pull in the shape of a cluster of grapes? They also come in many different animal designs, as well as various others that I can’t (nor wish to) recall at the moment. Fan pulls.

Let me just come out and say this- I would love, love love a new job. But first, let’s get something straight. Before you scowl and frown at my ingratitude, let me say that I do realize the state of the economy. I realize that we are in a harsh recession in which many fathers and mothers are struggling to pay the weekly bills. I realize that the unemployment rate is at a ridiculous high, and that many desperate people cannot find a way to earn a paycheck no matter how hard they try. I realize this, and that is why I am hesitant to complain about my job. In that case, I am doing my best not to complain, but rather simply state the fact that if it were my choice, I would leave the job I am doing now and do something different. Fair? I think so. And I bet 50,000 Americans would make the same declaration in a second. On the other hand, because of the state of the world, I am very thankful that I am able to get up in the morning and go to work, assured that I will be receiving a paycheck within the coming two weeks that will cover my monthly car, phone, and insurance payments, as well as other current expenses (such as strappy bridesmaid shoes, yellow kitchen towels, and pretty lingerie that I myself will not be wearing).

I have a job that covers my expenses. THAT in itself is something I ought to be increasingly grateful for, and I am. But, yes, I have those days when it just hits me.

Fortunately, I believe in a big God. And I believe that He is going to open a new door in the near future that will allow me to begin a new job. I have been praying for this for a few weeks, and I do feel that the time for me to leave my current job is near. I don’t know what door God is going to open, but I am anticipating a wonderful act of His timeless and abundant faithfulness. I could go on and on with stories of how God has been so personally faithful to me- so detailed in His faithfulness.

One example is my car. Two years ago while living in Montana doing a School of Biblical Studies with YWAM, my dad sold my car because I was making plans to go to Thailand long term. My first car was a ‘95 Chevy Cavalier…classic first car. I think I sold it for about six hundred bucks, which I probably spent on plane tickets to Washington that spring and summer. Good trade! Anyways, when I returned home from Thailand last June (2008), I was in need of a car. My dad very graciously allowed me to use his car for awhile while until we started some serious car hunting. Now, as I said, God is involved in the details. I believe that He cares about the details and that He so enjoys meeting our needs in a very personal way that fits our exact circumstances. It is a reflection of His Fatherly character and the fact that He is an intimately relational God, not a distant one.

I also believe He wants us to pray about the details. Yes, He knows our needs, but how He loves us to acknowledge Him as the One who can fulfill those needs! So, I prayed. I prayed that God would lead me to the exact car I needed. I prayed for a car within the right price range, a car without too many miles on it, and one with good mileage. I also wanted to actually like the car. The search for a car began and my dad patiently took me all over the place looking for “the one”. None of the deals I came across resulted in that little feeling you get on the inside when you know you’ve found THE (insert item…shoes, husband, vacuum…).

I’m blessed and spoiled to have Saturdays off of work, so my dad and I decided to go out again one Saturday morning to look somewhere we hadn’t looked yet. I remember praying again in the shower that morning, praying that God would help me to find the right car that day. He was listening with pure delight!

When it was time for my dad and I to leave, I just so happened to but not really because God is sovereign grab the newspaper and take it along for the ride. I began scanning over the classifieds and came across a particular ad: ‘04 Chevy Cavalier 2 dr. 26k mi. Exc. cond. $5500. The rest of the ad provided two phone numbers. This was the car I needed. I immediately sent a text message to one of the numbers. Meanwhile my dad and I arrived at the car dealership and I tested out a pretty snazzy car, but I guess it wasn’t that great because I can’t even remember what it was…and again, it didn’t feel like the one. I didn’t like the price, and it had more miles on it than I wanted. (Now, in between all of the talk with the car dealer I am madly texting back and forth with this newspaper ad guy and figuring out where exactly the car was. It just so happened but not really because God is sovereign that my dad and I were only TEN minutes from the place where the car was parked. We told the dealership “We’d be back” (oops, we lied!) and left to check out this other car.

Honestly, except for a few minor scratches, the car was in perfect condition. He lowered the price 300 bucks. I test drove it and said “Yes, I’ll take this car.” I picked it up a few days later and the rest is history. I love telling this story because to this day I am still so amazed at the DETAIL- the low mileage, the year of the car, the condition, the price, and the gas efficiency…AND I liked it. (Side note: it is silver. I was determined not to get a silver car. It’s not that I detest silver, but it’s just that everyone has silver and it doesn’t strike my fancy. Good thing my wonderful friend Lynn sent me a text that day with a little reminder…”Remember Tessa, where moth and rust destroy…” Thanks Lynn Silver? So be it!) (Side note #2…my younger sister Carly owned the exact same car- same color, same year. She graciously told me she did not mind if we had the same car. Thanks Carly.)

I cut the ad out from the newspaper and pasted it onto a 3×5 notecard and wrote Psalm 105:1-5a beside it:

“O give thanks to the LORD, call on his name, make known his deeds among the peoples. Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wonderful works. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually. Remember the wonderful works he has done.”

So, back to my original thought…a new job. I believe it is just around the corner and that God is going to delight in the details as He did with my new car. I believe that He will do this not only as a sovereign God, but as a loving Father. He does not give out stones when we ask for fish. (Note: I do not intend in any way to preach a health, wealth, and prosperity gospel, in which I do not believe. My request is for God to meet my needs, not make me a millionaire.)

Next weekend I have to take Friday off of work to be in wedding #1 that evening. I had planned to work the next day to make it up, but she informed me that the boss is not allowing people to make up any lost hours (which I completely understand, given the economy. Still, worry set in…worry about money. I began to get anxious about finding a new job. I scanned my brain for ideas, but didn’t find many. In a desperate attempt, I began to pray to myself, God, it’s time! Please open the door for a new job! Please!

My first inclination now is to check craigslist every two hours for new postings, for jobs that would not require me to hear.

I must hold back from that temptation.

If there is a job on craigslist, God will lead me to it (remember the newspaper…), but I must not frantically go about trying to make something happen. God has fully convinced me that in situations like this, it is best to trust Him and let Him run he show.

The goal?

The name of the Lord glorified. The faithfulness of God revealed.

Let it be.